The Most Shocking Moment on TV

(p.s. i wrote this during the premiere season of "grey's anatomy" for all you nitpicky people)

I happened to catch that new medical drama, Grey’s Anatomy the other night. Of course I couldn’t stay up to watch it in it's entirety. It comes on at ten and that’s just cutting it too close to my bed time.

I believe it was the opening scene, it must have been. It was shocking and dramatic. Usually that’s how they hook you into stay up till eleven and once again costing you that extra hour of sleep. A rape victim was rushed into the emergency room.

They began to examining her injuries when Dr. Grey, the med student, notices that this patient is wearing the same exact pair of shoes she, herself, had been wearing earlier, only these were spotted with fresh blood. They were these hideous leopard print flats, although I’m sure that they’re like a really hot designer shoe. I guess it was supposed to be a reality check moment, as if to say, “Paging Dr. Grey, this could happen to you the next time the rapist is out targeting women who fell for another bad shoe trend.”

Since Dr. Grey isn’t a full grown doctor yet, she was left to observe standing at the end of the o.r. while a team of professionals poked and prodded the patient. The man in charge the surgical team was standing at the head of the patient. For some reason he bent in closer to get a look and noticed an obstruction in her airway; no wait, it wasn’t that, there was something in her mouth, something that he was gonna get out with some tweezers. He pulled out what looked like a bloody lump. Then the camera came in for a quick close up. He seemed puzzled. He held it up high to the light and looked around, “What is that?” he said to himself. Then he asked a little louder, “Does anyone know what this is?!” The others around him looked at each other and shrugged.

Dr. Grey who was standing at the outer edge of the room spoke up, “It’s a penis.” Then the room filled with gasps and whispers, someone said “Oh my god!” and then I’m not sure but I think one of them came this close to fainting.

This may come as a surprise, but that is not the most shocking thing about that scene. The most shocking thing is that Dr. Grey, the new girl doctor knew what it was right away. “Oh yes, I’ve seen one of these before…I am almost certain it’s a…PENIS!” Shouldn’t he, who was holding this chunk of flesh, have recognized it right away? He was a trained doctor, not to mention he had been walking around with one of those since day number one. Made me wonder what might be going on in his pants.

Even after Dr. Grey had said what it was, he looked at her in complete disbelief. It would have been believable at this point for him to drop it into a metal pan demanding the nurse to rush it to the lab. “I want you to run all tests necessary to make sure this is, in fact, a penis!”

These shows keep blowing us away with all their controversy. Where will we be when someone decides it has finally gone too far. I usually don’t get personally offended when watching a show. If it’s getting on my nerves I simply change the channel. There’s more where that came from.

I used to work in a weight loss center with this one woman who would ask me every week, “Did you watch Fear Factor last night?” The answer was always the same; no. I would tell her I never watched it and wasn’t about to go and get myself hooked.

It held no interest for me, watching twenty-somethings force unspeakable things down their throats in order to have a chance at winning some money. It was all I could do to keep from wondering why it was these schmucks wouldn’t go out and just get a real job. And if not that, why not just play the lottery, go to Vegas, or even try their hand at one of those get rich quick schemes. I just couldn’t relate to people that were willing to stuff their mouths with a cow’s colon and rotted chicken brains with a side of minced pig testicles. Eating disgusting things is one thing and doing it for money is another. But doing it for only the slight chance of winning money is what gets my knickers in a bunch. It’s not even enough money to say it was all worth it. Fifty thousand dollars. Certainly I, could use fifty grand, but I’ll work at a non-stomach churning job for an entire year to earn that salary rather than spend one night gorging myself with petrified monkey feces for only a chance at having it.

John and I really got into Survivor. It was the pioneer of prime time reality shows. The first season was great, we didn’t know what to expect. People formed alliances and you started to believe that these folks must be really smart. No one else had even thought of teaming up with other people to increase their chances of going further in the competition. Now it’s the first thing they do before they even land on the remote island.

The many seasons of this show have worn away its original mystique. Even when Jeff Probst throws the newer castaways a curve ball, it’s never the same. The first season had almost no twists and turns as far as the rules of the game were concerned; it was the players that made the show a hit.

Reality shows where the contestants get kicked off the island, so to speak, lose their edge quickly. Every new season leaves the producers scratching their heads wondering how to make the show, the game, and the players more intriguing. The shows have a great beginning, but refuse to stand the test of time.

Each new season promises smarter, more cunning players. They’ve usually sent in an audition tape showing that they can be wild and crazy and are willing to doing anything to get in front of a T.V. camera. The producers try to throw off the new contestants with last minute switches in the game and upping the ante. It never really works though, because the new players are a highly evolved breed that had the advantage that the first season didn’t. They watched last year’s show.

Our own children have become zombies in front of television sets and computer screens all across America. Parents wonder why their kids are overweight, under motivated and hyperactive with short attention spans. I have a three year old son, Jack. I’m not eating granola, and making clothes out of hemp, but I try to raise him somewhat naturally. Yes, he can watch T.V. but the moment he becomes a little bit brattish about wanting to watch this or that I usually turn the television off. He’s had enough. At this very moment he’s been keeping him self busy with handful of magnets and a metal cookie sheet for the last forty-five minutes without the TV on as even background noise.

There’s a certain cable channel, and I won’t mention names, that boasts of its nutritional value for the child’s growing brain. They have some cute programs that don’t get on my nerves and aren’t completely mindless entertainment for the little ones. Shows include things like counting numbers, recognizing letters and shapes, and cute cuddly wide-eyed characters that are learning everything for the first time. They know nothing at all, which I guess is the point. Your child is either supposed to learn along with them or snicker at their stupidity.

The network says that their programming is equal to sending your child to preschool for the day. I sincerely hope that parents out there in TV land aren’t taking this claim too seriously. But the channel’s commercials certainly don’t help.

In one such ad, you watched as a little girl sat on the couch with her grandparents talking about the usual childish nonsense when her buzz kill of a mother walks in. She tells her that’s enough chatting it up with Grandma and Grandpa; it’s time for preschool. The mother then hands her a small backpack to put on. The child pulls the straps over her shoulders and plops a squat on the floor with her face inches away from the television set.

From 6 AM to 6 PM, your child can watch preschool programs. Why pay for an actual preschool when there’s one on TV all day long? I wonder how much longer this cable channel can keep the FCC at bay with this ridiculous claim. Surely, some trailer park trash mother will be charged with neglecting and endangering her child by leaving them parked in front of the TV while she ran out to get some smokes and beer. She’ll claim that she had left her child at preschool so what’s the big woop? It might not be a severed penis in someone’s mouth, or even on TV, but still, I think that’s pretty shocking.

pps. if you click on the title you can check out the most dramtic surgery ceremony ever. i think i found the picture. i know, i'm lame for even looking it up....