Thursday, January 19, 2006

In case of EMERGENCY press button

I almost got stuck in an elevator this morning. Don't worry, I'm okay. I mean, I almost got stuck.

I was on the fourth floor and had my choice of three different elevators, the one on the far left opened. I pressed "L". "L" is for "LOBBY".


The elevator kinda sat there for a moment. I pressed "L" again. The doors closed, then they opened again. I pressed "L" again, this time like I meant it. The doors closed. The doors opened again. "What part of 'L' don't you understand?!" The doors closed.

Movement. Doors open. Two women are gossiping in the hallway of a floor that definetly was not the "LOBBY". I looked at them, they looked at me. I looked up at the numbers and saw that I was only on the third floor. I looked at them again and made a face like, "So watcha waiting for beeyotch?" The one lady looked like some kind of cafeteria worker, even though she wasn't wearing an apron or even a hairnet. She just had a look about her that screamed "lunch lady!". They went on yuckin' it up and the doors closed. Okay, little odd, but whatever.

The elevator sat there. I pressed "L" again to remind it where we were going. "Huh?" it said. "L!" I pressed again. "Oh, okay." We were moving....up. "What the?" The numbers went all the way to 9. A guy got on. He wanted the 5th floor. We arrived without a problem. He got off and the doors closed, but the elevator was back up to it's old tricks.

We sat there motionless. "Hello??? L!" I yelled at the elevator. "Huhuh, oh yeah." We moved and it looked like we were going down according to the numbers. Then the doors opened and we were on the third floor again with the lunch lady and her friend. "What are you doing?!" she asked me as if I was purposely coming back to eavesdrop on them. "I don't know what's wrong with this elevator, it keeps going everywhere except the lobby, which is where I need to go!" I don't know why I felt the need to explain myself especially since she was talking to her friend, I'm sorry, lesbian lunch lady lover, the entire time I was talking. Some people are so rude.

The doors shut again and then I pressed that "L" button again. This time I said a silent prayer to God to just get me to the Lobby and I promise I'll take the stairs for the rest of my life. We moved and the doors opened again on the fifth floor. Nobody there. I decided I'd had enough of this nonsense. I stepped off and got on the elevator next to it where a woman was patiently waiting inside. I told her about my elevator issues and that I just wanted to get to lobby. She was quite sympathetic, but also creeped out. "Ooh that's sort of....creepy." She said it just like that. Maybe she was on to something, maybe the elevator was haunted.

She got off on the next floor, and as the doors shut I started to panic. I wanted to tell her "Don't leave me!" for fear that once again the elevators would fuck with me while I was alone.

As my heart started pounding and I started to hyperventilate, the doors opened and I saw the world's most beautiful lobby.

2 Comments:

At 21 January, 2006, Blogger Lindsey said...

That is completely freaky.

But I do want to beat the shit out of that lunch lady for you.

 
At 28 January, 2006, Blogger Celtic April said...

Elevators are just the tin cans of doom that hold as hostage whenever they feel like it. I too, on more than one occasion, have suffered the very same fate. Evil....they are evil.

 

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