The Phone-Head vs. The Coolest Pharmacist

I pulled up to the Walgreens drive-thru prescription window. I did this not out of the usual laziness, but because Jack fell asleep in the car and it’s really hard the lug him around over my shoulder in the store. Especially so when trying to get past the seasonal aisle, there’s a lot of great stuff there. And don’t even get my started on the As Seen On TV section. That stuff’s all right there, you can touch it, you can feel it, you can judge whether or not that thing’s gonna work like it did in the commercial and it’s selling for half the price!

So I went to the drive-thru and posted on the window, plain as the mole on my face, was a sign that read, "PLEASE TURN OFF CELL PHONES." They could have just left it at that. Talking on your cell phone whilst in a prescription/money transaction is just rude. And annoying. But no, under that they listed some over explanatory reason, "We cannot guarantee that your conversation won’t be broadcast on our system along with all your embarrassing symptoms and list of possible side effects you may get from your anal wart removal prescription. The FCC requires us to tell you this and not to mention we don’t want any lawsuits on our hand because one of the pharmacists may have heard half a sentence of your ‘private’ conversation that you chose to have in a public place. Lawsuits are just messy and we don’t want to be up to our anal warts in legal fees because then we won’t be able to offer you those great As Seen On TV products for half the price it would’ve cost you to get it on TV."

A couple hours later I pull up to the same window only to be in line behind a phone-head in a minivan. She’s got her head halfway out the window and yakking away. I wanted to put the car in park, get out and bash her face in. That sign was right next to her head. And then after a few minutes the pharmacist came on the speaker. "Ma’am? Let me know when you are ready," she said in the sweetest shit-eating grin voice. "Yes! I’m picking up a prescription!" yelled the phone-head. As usual these people never acknowledge anyone or answer a question correctly but instead just blurt out demands. "Are you sure? I don’t want to interrupt you, I know you’re on a phone call right now." The phone-head never even heard what she’d just said and kept right on flapping her fat jaw. But I smiled. That pharmacist kicks ass. And it’s too bad I didn’t get to tell her so because when I pulled up for my drugs I got the boy pharmacist and he didn’t look like he was in the mood for a drive-thru chat, he was all business with me.

So here’s to coolest pharmacist at the Walgreens on Bainbridge and Rt 91. You rock, sister.