Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The wrong kind of earholes

Those new fangled iPods are all the rage and so are these things called "ear buds". Let me start off by saying these cheap flimsy new age headphones are no buds of mine.

I realized the postpartum weightloss by osmosis phase is sort of over now and I have to actually do the work to lose these last twelve pounds. So I strapped on my sneaks and borrowed John's iPod. When I got to the metroparks I struggled to get the thing turned on. When I got that figured out, I put the earbuds in. One stayed in and one fell out. I put the one that fell out back in and a few minutes later the other popped out.

Now they were both in but felt like they were both abou to fall out the whole time. Especially the left one. I kept holding it to my ear as if I was recieving late breaking news. I knew it was only a matter of time before the other one would start giving me a hard time and I wondered how stupid would it look to walk holding my hands to both ears with the iPod dragging behind me.

No matter how push, shove, and screw them into my ear, the ear buds won't stay in. The only other times I ever used it was sitting down and they would stay in a little better but now that I was walking the vibration from every step shook the bud loose.

Maybe I shouldn't clean out my ears so much. Maybe these people I see running with earbuds on have sticky, waxy ears. Maybe I got the wrong kind of earholes.

I've had a similar problem with my hands-free earphone. It comes with a clip to hang on top of your ear, but that doesn't make it any more secure on my deformed anatomy.

So I'll just have to make do with these ear peices. Everytime I insert these things I'll just do my best to not move my head too much and walk as stiffly as possible. Otherwise I can expect the earbuds to act like a couple of suicidal mental cases standing on the ledge of my ear threatning to jump unless I talk them back into my ear with the use of my finger.

Monday, July 16, 2007

If loving PingPing is wrong, I don't want to be right.

So I laughed right out loud when I watched this on the Today show. But so Al Roker and Matt Lauer, though they cleared their throats quickly saying that "Gee whiz, nothing happens in Mongolia all year and now this breaking news occurs!" I can see through your lies like I can see that old lady's poorly disguised vericose vein through "nude" colored pantyhose. By the way, what color is nude, nipples?

But the real reason I laughed was not so much at the expense of the world's tallest or smallest man, it was the fact that all these people showed and documented this event. Wow, two humans shaking hands, never seen that before. Sure one was sitting in a chair and one was carried in on someone's shoulder and standing on a table, but what's so crazy bout that?

Just watch this first and you'll know what I'm talking about:


And how awkward was that?
The tallest man was like, "Um, hi, I'm the world's tallest man, or so I've been told. Sorry we had to meet like this."
And the smallest man was all, "Yeah, you think this blows,someone put me in this ill-fitting monkey suit before they brought me out here. Dude, I was wearing a badass silkscreen tee with jeans. What gives?"
Then the asshole that brought him out picks him up again withought so much as a warning and displays him like a little manbaby for the cameras. You could almost hear Smallest Man utter, "Put me down you showboating mofo, I'm not a fucking baby, okay? I'm a man. Don't believe me? Just undo my onesie and look in my diaper."

I just wanted to rescue these two poor souls. Two men, who probably wanted to just lead normal lives poked with cowprodders and forced into "meeting" one another. If they really wanted to meet each other, wouldn't it have taken place at a mutual friend's backyard bbq or the like? "Tallest Man! I'm so glad you could make it, and thanks for bringing that bag of ice. I've been wanting to introduce you to my good friend, Smallest Man, because you both have absolutely nothing in common and it makes for a great photo op."

Sunday, July 15, 2007

A statue to poop on

Say, oh hell what?

Having just watched a Spongebob video, it was in my head. Oh come on, you all know the one where Spongebob is trying fly and every other half-dressed fish in Bikini Bottom isn't going for it. First they start by shaking their fisty fins in the air (water) and yelling at him, next they start with the name calling and settle on "Birdman". Next, a youngster fish taunts him asking why he's doesn't go and "flap his wings, Birdman?" and his mother says, "Maybe he's looking for a statue to poop on! Tee hee hee he!"
So there you have it.

So a quick little update on my life goes like this:

I'm operating on very little sleep and trying to just get by on autopilot. But the twins are quite wonderful and super cute and Jack loves them to pieces. In fact, he may love them a little too much. Like, I-wanna-hold-em-and-pet-them-and-squeeze-em kind of love. A bit dangerous, methinks.

So I'm micro-managing and slowing losing my mind day by day. And this happens mostly through minute by minute and hour by hour interuptions. I guess any mom or dad can attest to this. Example, I have been interupted about seventeen times since I began this post, I'm not trying to exhagerate, I lost count. Jack wanted to start a computer game, Amelia wanted to be held and Charlie although he claimed he wanted it, he just kept on dropping his binky. Then it was back and forth to the babies' room, changing diapers, and then trying to get them to take a nap. Where was John in all this, you ask? Out for a run. And it all seems to settle down once he walks back in the door and it's amazing, really, and yet so incredibly annoying at the same time.

Nothing big to complain about, this is what we wanted and I'll taking missing a shower all day for it.

Maybe I'll catch a nap when I take Jack to the movies later...