Monday, July 31, 2006

My Grandma's Gonna Set Your Grandma on Fire.

If you still haven't been, then you need to go to see a true member of the RatPack. Frank, Sammy, Deano, and Bingo...and who's that other guy? Oh yeah, Paddy. Yeah, you remember him, right? Go check out his rodents and cakes and cake-eating rodents and some other good stuff. You'll be glad you did and be sure to tell him I sent ya.

Feeling a little silly lately and starting thinking about things like my grandmas. They're both gone, but I started to wonder what they've been up to. I wonder if they still have conversations somewhere on the "other side" similar to what we'd overhear when the whole family would get together on the holidays. They'd be chatting away saying things like:

Baubie (Jewish grandmother) : So Ann, you still smoking?

Gramma (Catholic grandmother) : (nothing said, just a roll of the eyes)

Baubie : (shifts positions and appears to be irritated)

Gramma : (takes a long drag and lets the smoke crawl out her nostrils)

Baubie : That Kristen is such a tramp.

Gramma : (throws a limp hand in the air out of disgust) Don't get me started.

Baubie : Who the hell does she think she is? Eugene's about to find out about her and her little boyfriend if she's not careful.

Gramma : Oh and he's a bad one, that guy.

At this point we'd all look over, intrigued by the conversation. Who are they talking about?
Ineveitably we'd finally realize they've been gossipping about The Young & The Restless. And we'd smile knowing that their love of soaps was the only they had in common.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Knick knack. Paddy whack. Give the boy a rat.

My apologies to Paddy. I've been a lousy slumlord and haven't been around to raise the roof for my renter.

Why don't you go on and see what all that pitter-pattering noise is over there, huh? What, you don't hear it? I do. How could you not hear four rats scattering about?

Go see my friend Paddy, his girlfriend, his photos of cakes gone wild, and his babies- yes, the rats. He's an animal lover like myself (who couldn't solve her own mouse problems without a humane solution) and proud of it. Although he has suffered many losses lately, and losing a pet is so painful, that hasn't stopped him from regularly updating his some people I know....hmmm.

So, yeah....

In other news, my dear friend Ann Marie has become obsessed with Eddie Izzard. I've been telling her about him for who knows how long and then I finally remembered to loan her my DVD and she now loves any and all things Eddie.

On one hand, I can't believe he's not huge over here like he is in the UK, but on the other, I'm sort of like happy that only the few cool people here in the states know about him. Okay, there's more than five or six people that know of him here, but Jesus, he's incredible. How is it there aren't more people who've heard of him? Mind boggling (spelling?).

Oh, enough already. I have no point.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Phone-Head vs. The Coolest Pharmacist

I pulled up to the Walgreens drive-thru prescription window. I did this not out of the usual laziness, but because Jack fell asleep in the car and it’s really hard the lug him around over my shoulder in the store. Especially so when trying to get past the seasonal aisle, there’s a lot of great stuff there. And don’t even get my started on the As Seen On TV section. That stuff’s all right there, you can touch it, you can feel it, you can judge whether or not that thing’s gonna work like it did in the commercial and it’s selling for half the price!

So I went to the drive-thru and posted on the window, plain as the mole on my face, was a sign that read, "PLEASE TURN OFF CELL PHONES." They could have just left it at that. Talking on your cell phone whilst in a prescription/money transaction is just rude. And annoying. But no, under that they listed some over explanatory reason, "We cannot guarantee that your conversation won’t be broadcast on our system along with all your embarrassing symptoms and list of possible side effects you may get from your anal wart removal prescription. The FCC requires us to tell you this and not to mention we don’t want any lawsuits on our hand because one of the pharmacists may have heard half a sentence of your ‘private’ conversation that you chose to have in a public place. Lawsuits are just messy and we don’t want to be up to our anal warts in legal fees because then we won’t be able to offer you those great As Seen On TV products for half the price it would’ve cost you to get it on TV."

A couple hours later I pull up to the same window only to be in line behind a phone-head in a minivan. She’s got her head halfway out the window and yakking away. I wanted to put the car in park, get out and bash her face in. That sign was right next to her head. And then after a few minutes the pharmacist came on the speaker. "Ma’am? Let me know when you are ready," she said in the sweetest shit-eating grin voice. "Yes! I’m picking up a prescription!" yelled the phone-head. As usual these people never acknowledge anyone or answer a question correctly but instead just blurt out demands. "Are you sure? I don’t want to interrupt you, I know you’re on a phone call right now." The phone-head never even heard what she’d just said and kept right on flapping her fat jaw. But I smiled. That pharmacist kicks ass. And it’s too bad I didn’t get to tell her so because when I pulled up for my drugs I got the boy pharmacist and he didn’t look like he was in the mood for a drive-thru chat, he was all business with me.

So here’s to coolest pharmacist at the Walgreens on Bainbridge and Rt 91. You rock, sister.